The orbit of my solar system

Yesterday was my 5 year old’s dream day.  Blondie was feeling sick (as were curly and the duke), so we decided to quarantine our germs from the church nursery…your welcome.  Anyway, so you can imagine the slow moving and wonderful day that ensued.  We had time to sit and have an amazing breakfast.  We watched a movie together and then when the second and third went to naps I decided to take Blondie to get some pants and shirts since it was a rare opportunity and she was feeling better.  Since it’s 30 something degrees outside, I figured it was probably time to upgrade her from the midriff shirts and capri pants that she has been wearing for about a month now.  (Kids certainly do grow overnight don’t they?!).  Anyway.  Little girls dream right?  Old Navy shopping with just mommy’s attention.  While we were sitting in the parking lot I set some ground rules and the first was that we pick the clothes together.  I.E. We BOTH have to like and agree they are appropriate.  I know Blondie well enough to know, she would walk in there about pick out 42 pink flouncy skirts and a pair of pink dress shoes and think that her mission was accomplished.  I explained that we are there for pants and longer shirts.  Mmmmkay?  Kay she says.  We walked into the store and before the first 4 minutes were even up she was already in tears over something she wanted that I hadn’t agreed to.  Oh Boy.  This is going to be a long trip I thought.  The store was almost empty and an overly friendly salesperson stood nearby eavesdropping.  Grrrrreat…..

Well, the trip didn’t get much better.  There was wailing and gnashing of teeth.  Unfortunately, I got to play the role of teeth gnasher…ugh.  Thankfully, we did find some things and got the heck out of there but my feathers were feeling pretty ruffled.  Then when we pulled into the driveway for home Blondie started to cry (literally): “I want you to play with me.”  I tried to explain to her, “We’ve been gone for hours, I have to do some laundry or you are going to be wearing dirty panties tomorrow”.  Her rational brain wasn’t available for discussion however. My husband joined the conversation as we brought in our bags.  He said what I was thinking: “Blondie, you just got hours of one on one attention and a bunch of clothes?  What do you have to be upset about?”

I have to say, the afternoon didn’t really improve much and it came to a head.  At the end of the day, I was trying to massage the girls Awana verses into their brains when Blondie said in a rude way: “That isn’t the verse!”  She interrupted me as I was reading out the first part of the verse and spoke rude.  My hackles went up and right there in front of that bible verse I turned into Jerk Mom. “Who do you think you are?!  Why are you speaking to me that way?  All day you have been ungrateful and acting poorly!”…and on and on I went.  Trying to prove my point.  It was no surprise that Blondie’s blue eyes filled to the brim with tears before they started to overflow.  There I was.  Tearing my little garden house down with my own hands.  She was a pile of rubble.  I tried to make amends, but as we all know, words don’t heal the same way they cut.  I held her and loved on her and tried to tell her who she really is (my sweet girl).

But, little did I know, the lesson wasn’t over.  This morning as I was cuddling my husbands blankie (yes, he really has a real life blankie), I was trying to get my mind in the right spot for some bible verse memorization and reading.  I started feeling irritated by my hearts resistance.  Suddenly it hits me…in my world I am the sun.  My children should revolve around my authority like little moons.  Reflecting my glory and basking in thankfulness.  My solar system is seriously out of wack.  I am not reflecting God, I am replacing Him – in all the same ways I felt like my daughter wasn’t respecting my authority or appreciating me.  I’m talking back to God: “That isn’t the dress I wanted!” I say in my own ways.  I actually had a moment after finding out we were having a girl instead of the boy I thought was in there, where I screamed at God saying “how could you do that to me?!”  It is a shame to even admit it, and I knew it right away and I scrambled to take it back.  It is no wonder my daughter can be ungrateful.  She learned it from the master.

So my thanks to you Blondie, for another lesson in who I really am and where we stand in God’s solar system.